sometimes life gets to you. whether i want it to or not, anxiety messes up my mind. it isn’t fun having 4 panic attacks in a week, each one worse than the other. my triggers have been getting notably worse and people don’t seem to notice that i can’t handle every day situations anymore.
how am i coping with this? terribly. i can’t stand being alone in a room for more than 2 minutes without driving myself insane. being in loud, crowded places and not being able to leave scares me.
i’m getting help
but it doesn’t seem to be working. i feel out of place all the time. i’m lucky to have met a person this year who is actually trying to make a difference in my life and i’m thankful for that person.
it doesn’t stop me from feeling like a constant burden on people. when i have a panic attack at school people always have to stop what they’re doing to help me and i know that i’m keeping them from doing their actual job. when i actually feel okay with approaching someone so that i can talk, i feel regret at the back of my head.
maybe one day i won’t feel it all the time.
31 Jan 2020
PJ 